You Don't Really Mean That
by ElusiveAuthoress
Summary: Rose has come back after thinking she staked Dimitri. She's trying to live life again, but it's hard. Christian is there for her; what happens when Lissa gets jealous? RxC Rated T for mild language and mild sexuality.
1. Awkward Visit

I sat down on my bed in the guest housing part of the school, and I thought about everything. I thought about how Dimitri was coming to kill me, despite my attempts to kill him first. He was still out there, still hurting people. Still the monster he'd told me he'd rather die than become. I'd failed at honoring his wishes, and I was ashamed of myself. I'd screwed up the most important staking of my life. I thought about Lissa, and how I would probably never get to be her guardian now that I was unpromised. I thought about how Christian and Lissa were separated, and would probably never be the same again, even if they did get back together. I thought about a lot. The hesitant knock on my door pulled me out of my reverie, and caused me to flinch.

"Come in," I called. My voice sounded hoarse, unused. I cleared my throat and pushed my hair out of my eyes. To my surprise, the open doorway revealed Christian. He'd been happy to see me back and alive, but that didn't mean our antagonistic relationship had changed. Not in my eyes, at least. He'd given me a brief hug and said, "No one in this place has anything on your comebacks," before releasing me. He'd gone on his way, and I thought that'd be the end of our interaction, since him and Lissa were now separated.

I hid my surprise and scooted over on my bed, since I had no chairs or anywhere else for him to sit. I patted the spot next to me. "Have a seat." He did, looking unsure. His normally smug grin was replaced by a worried frown. I didn't like it; it wasn't normal. "What's wrong with you, Ozera?" I asked, folding my arms. "Where's the jokes and attitude?" He didn't smile. "Rose, everyone was really worried about you," he said, voice serious. I bit my lip. "I know, and I'm sorry about that. But I'm back now, alive and well." He studied me. "You don't look alive. Or well. You look like the walking dead, Rose." I looked away. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not."

"I am to."

Christian held up a hand. "I'm not here to argue with you. I'm here because I'm worried about you." That threw me off guard. Christian? Worrying about me? That didn't fit my universe. In my reality, Christian threw snarky insults my way, and I responded appropriately. Worry for each other was nowhere in that world. I sat for a moment, contemplating what to say to get him off my case. "Well, don't be," I managed finally. "I'm doing just fine, actually." He didn't look convinced. "Why'd you leave, Rose?" he asked quietly. I glared at him. "That's none of your buisness, Ozera. Get out."

I stood up and opened the door, motioning for him to leave. He frowned. "Fine. But I really am just worried, Rose. You can talk to me; I promise not to make what you say idle school gossip." With that, Christian left my room and didn't glance back. I shut the door slowly and headed back to my bed, sitting and thinking. Again. But this time, my thoughts were plagued with Christian's visit. Since when did he care? Since when did I want him to?

**A/N: Thought I'd try a RosexChristian fanfic, since I can't find any to my liking. You likey? Yes, no, maybe so?**


	2. Mental Diseases and Shrinks

**Author's Note:**I wanted to try my hand at Christian's POV. Did I do a good job? Please let me know. ;)

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I was tired. Confused. Maybe that was why I'd tried to 'reach out' to Rose. It didn't make sense. I hardly liked her. In fact, I thought she was a sarcastic, cynical bitch. I thought she judged people too quickly, and was too annoying for her own good. But isn't that what people say about me? The whole situation made me irritable. I didn't know why I suddenly cared about whether she was okay or not. She wasn't exactly normal or right in the head before she left. But something had changed in her; something fundamental had been altered. I could see it in her eyes. As cliche as it was, she looked haunted. Like she'd seen something the rest of us could only dream of. I knew she had run away for something real this time, something important. I would bet money it had to do with Belikov. Lissa had shared rumors that the two of them had been..something. But thinking about Lissa hurt, so I stopped. After she shared that kiss with her Moroi friend, I didn't know what to think. She wasn't even sorry about it, and that hurt the most.

I was tired, so tired. When I layed down to sleep, I was surprised at how quickly it came to me, what with my brain swirling. But my dreams were haunted, shadowy images and incomplete pictures that seemed to star Rose being hunted by something. I was jerked awake by a sharp knock on my door at the exact moment that I was about to see what was chasing Rose, and I flinched, startled. The knock sounded again, more determined. I grumbled, "I'm coming, shut up." I pushed my sleep-rumpled hair out of my face and got out of bed, answering the door mid-yawn. When I saw who was on the other side, I nearly stumbled back. When I'd offered Rose my 'shoulder to cry on' speech, I hadn't expected her to take me up on it. But here she was, standing in my doorway in sweats with her hair up, looking more nervous and unsure than I'd ever seen her. She looked vulnerable. Human. It was a refreshing change from her normal bitch mask.

"You gonna invite me in, Ozera?" she asked, her trademark grin screwing up the angelic expression. My face clouded; I knew the bitch was in there somewhere. "Sure," I said, stepping back, a mocking smirk on my face. "Please, come in, Miss Hathaway." She ignored my sarcasm and stepped over the threshold, pushing past me and plopping on my unmade bed. "Make yourself at home," I mumbled, shutting the door, watching with a raised eyebrow as she lay back and put an arm over her face. "I'm so screwed, Ozera," she announced, voice muffled. I picked up her arm and gazed at her with a raised eyebrow. "Why's that?" She jerked her arm out of my grip. "Because," she continued, arm back in place, "I've resorted to using you as my shrink. I've got issues." I shrugged, though she wasn't looking at me. "Well, I've got quite the array of knowledge when it comes to mental diseases." She laughed, which had been my intent. "That doesn't surprise me."

I was tired of talking to her arm. I pulled it off her face again, and continued pulling until she was sitting up, blowing a wisp of hair out of her face. "What's going on with you, Rose?" I asked softly, suddenly feeling too close to her. I felt crowded, suffocated, claustrophobic under that intense, warm gaze. I moved back until my back was against my headboard, while she sat in the middle of the bed. She shrugged, looked down. "I don't know where to start," she admitted. "Start at the beginning," I suggested. She rolled her eyes, the implied _duh_ making me grin. "It's about Dimitri, you know."

"I know."

She sighed. "Of course you do."

"I'm not going to judge you, Rose." I caught her gaze and held it, letting her know I wasn't lying. "I know," she whispered, and then her face was buried in her hands and I was terrified she was crying. But no, she was laughing. Hysterically. I grabbed her by both arms and shook her. "Stop with the mood swings! You're driving me crazy," I snapped. Her eyes widened as she caught her breath. "Sorry. It's just all so ridiculous. I'm coming to you, and I'm opening up, which is what Lissa has been trying to get me to do for weeks and I just can't -" She stopped, realizing that I'd tensed. "I'm sorry. That wasn't....I'm sorry." She blushed. "It's okay," I assured her. "It should't've bothered me."

"But it did." Her eyes were studying me. I looked away. "Yeah, I guess it did."

"Why's that?"

"Because...never mind. We're talking about your issues, remember? Not mine." She sighed. "Right. My issues So, here's how it happened.." And for the next half hour, I listened, and learned quite a bit about Rose Hathaway.

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**Author's Note:**I know I have not written for a while. Most of my stories are on a selective/indefinite hiatus. That simply means I'm not sure when or if I'll be updating them. But since I really love Rose and Christian, I wanted to continue this story and try it in Christian's POV. Please bear in mind that this was written at 2:30 in the morning, and I have no beta. If it's terrible, please tell me. Just do it nicely, please. :)


	3. Sobfests and Sanity

**Author's Note:**Two chapters in one night; I'm on a roll. I'm not sure if either of these chapters is any good, but reviews to let me know are always welcome. Rose's POV, in case it wasn't obvious. Enter suspicious Lissa! Let me know if the scene between Christian and Rose is too much?

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I wasn't going to take Christian up on his offer. Really, I wasn't. I just needed to get out of my room. That's what I told myself, at least. And then, suddenly, I found myself at his door, in his room. Then I was sitting on his bed, spilling my guts to those ice blue eyes that suddenly seemed to soften, like the ice was melting. And then I was in tears, and I couldn't stop. Christian's shocked face swam in front of me for a moment, and in that moment was the uncertainty that was our tenuous, surprising, completely-out-of-the-blue friendship. But he overcame his assanine tendencies and actually hugged me awkwardly, while I just clung and cried. I knew, in the back of my mind, that he'd never let me live this down, but reliving the loss of Dimitri and the knowledge that he was coming after me was hard.

And Christian was surprisingly comforting, strong and warm and soothing. He murmured nonsense that didn't matter, but the fact that he cared enough to try made me cry harder. He was obviously uncomfortable, and so I sniffled a few times and hiccuped as I tried to get myself under control. Ripping open old wounds was one thing. Pouring salt into them and rubbing was quite another. I pulled away from him, swiping furiously at my eyes. I hadn't known I had so much to say, or so much emotion buried under the surface. "There," he said, seemingly satisfied. I gaped. "What?" He shrugged at my thoroughly confused expression. "I knew you had something in you that you needed to get out. I figured I could help." I sagged back against his bed, closing my eyes. "Oh wow. You could've warned me before I had a sobfest all over your shirt." He looked down at the light grey T-shirt and raised an eyebrow. "It can be washed. It's not healthy to keep all that in," he said, gesturing towards me, still sniveling a little.

I shrugged, suddenly infuriated. "I hate you," I snarled, all my feelings pushed into those three words. Christian didn't budge. "I know." I sagged in defeat. "I hate you." The words were more pitiful now, quiet and less assured. "I know." I grabbed one of his pillows and buried my head under it, and I stayed that way for a long time. Christian sat there for a while; I could feel his weight on the bed. Eventually, he got up and went into the bathroom, and I heard the shower turn on. I left while he was in the bathroom, a coward move. But I couldn't deal with him, not after I'd sobbed my heart out on his shoulder. _I didn't even like him. _For all intents and purposes, I hated him.

I hadn't realized how close it was to the beginning of the day for St. Vladimir's. I nearly ran Lissa over. And with horror, I realized I _smelled like Christian._ That was perfect. She stopped and hugged me tight, then tensed, pulling back slowly with a look of suspicion in her eyes. "Rose? You okay?" Her voice wasn't as soft as it had been these past few days, as if she might break me if she spoke too loud. It now had an underlying hint of anger, suspicion coated in fierce control and forced sweetness. It was like a habanero pepper dipped in confectioner's sugar. I shrugged, attempted nonchalance. "Yeah. I'm fine, Liss." Smiling half-heartedly, I made to move past her. "How's Christian?" she asked delicately. I winced. "I don't know, Lissa. Why don't you go ask him?" I threw over my shoulder, continuing on my way back to my room. I needed sleep after such a confusing night.

When I arrived, I decided that a shower wouldn't be a bad idea. I needed to wash the night away; it had been far too strange. Getting in, I let the hot water wash the scent of Christian from my skin. Being in his arms had made me feel safe, for the first time in a long time, but I couldn't dwell on it. It could mean too much, or it could mean nothing at all. It could mean I was going crazy for real, and that was something I would probably welcome. A real reason to have so many issues. Getting out of the shower, I went and layed down in sweats. I seemed to be living in them lately, but I hadn't had a reason to dress up, nor had I felt the need. I felt a little embarrassed that Christian had seen me at my laziest. I had a reputation to uphold as a hot bitch. I couldn't do that if I was running around in sweats with my hair up and no makeup, sobbing into people's shoulders. It was decided. I would stop this whatever friendship with Christian to keep my sanity. Of course, I realized as I drifted into sleep, he seemed to be helping me keep it.


	4. Confrontations and Relationships

When I got out of the shower, Rose was gone. I wasn't surprised; I'd devised the plan after seeing how uncomfortable she was. I didn't want to admit it, even to myself, but watching her be herself, her letting herself show emotions around me, made me feel good. I liked that she trusted me enough to cry in front of me. And while I hadn't reacted exactly the right way, I was going to try and do better, starting today. I left my room in considerably high spirits once I heard that Rose was thinking about re-enrolling. While I would keep my promise of not making what she told me idle school gossip, I had never promised not to listen in on the gossip about her that I hadn't started.

Some of it was ridiculous. She was pregnant. She'd run off with someone, but had gotten cold feet and returned. The stupidity of my peers never ceased to amaze me. I entered breakfast to find Rose at a table by herself, her glare sufficient to keep curiousity at bay. I decided to feed before going to visit my new ally. The lines were relatively short, and when I was finished - Alice, as usual - I made my way back to the cafeteria to find that Lissa was with her. I stopped in my tracks, unsure of how to respond to this. They seemed to be arguing, Rose's face getting paler and paler before I decided to rescue her. Whatever was going on was not good.

"Hey there, Rose," I said cheerfully, plopping down next to her. She jumped in surprise, and guilt flashed in her eyes. Now I was even more confused. Lissa glared venemously at Rose before getting up. "I'll never forgive you for this," she threatened before storming off, all eyes flashing from her to us. I raised an eyebrow. "Care to share?" Rose put a hand over her face. "I hate you. Please go away." Her voice didn't hold any anger or contempt; it was sad and lonely. Not even glancing around because I didn't dare, I put a hand on her shoulder. She flinched away. "Stop touching me. Go away."

"Why?" I asked softly. "Because of Lissa," she answered simply. I felt my anger bubble. "Who cares what Lissa says?" Rose raised her face to me. "She hates me because of us. Whatever us even is." My eyes widened. "Us is a friendship, Rose, and there's no way you're telling me that you are letting Lissa dictate your friends now. Princess Dragomir has enough to dictate." She stood up. "Ozera, stop it. I'm not kidding. I won't hesitate to bash your pretty face in," she threatened before walking away. She didn't look back.

I stayed sitting for a long few minutes, shocked, trying to ignore the little bit of pleasure I got out of her calling my face 'pretty'. Whatever Lissa had said to Rose had royally screwed up our tentative friendship. And then my anger reached boiling point and I stood, stalking my way over to where she sat with Aaron and her royal buddies. "We need to talk," I snarled quietly. She looked up, mid-laugh, and the twinkling in her eyes instantly dimmed. "Really?" she asked coolly. "Yes, really. Trust me, I have as much distaste for the idea as you do." She rose gracefully and followed me out of the cafeteria.

Her eyes were hard. "What do you want?" I folded my arms. "I want you to quit being a bitch to Rose just because she's talking to me." Lissa shifted her eyes away. "I have no clue what you're talking about," she defended. I snorted. "Right. You're acting like your royal pals. Are they giving you lessons on how to be a bitch, or is it a suppressed natural talent?" I asked, and watched the pain flicker across her face. Good. She was screwing up one of the few friendships I had, and she deserved it. Then her face hardened again. "Apparently it's a latent gift. I won't tell Rose anything."

She turned to leave and I grabbed her arm. "Princess, you're really annoying," I told her harshly, looking down at her with disdain. "I don't know what you're problem is, but back off my relationships." The word _relationship _made her cringe, and I had it. She was _jealous_. "Jealousy green isn't your color, Princess," I informed her airily, as I released her and stepped back. "Now, like I said, back off. Rose is my friend too, now, and you won't screw it up." Lissa's eyes flashed. "Oh yeah? Watch me." She whirled and walked away. "Oh, Princess?" I called. She half-turned back. "What?"

"I will not give up on Rose. That's a promise. And I never break my promises. Maybe if you weren't so selfish, you'd see that I was good for her. At least she talks to me about why she left." I'd hit a nerve. Lissa paled. "She spoke to you about it?" she demanded, unable to stop herself. I shrugged casually. "Yeah. Rose and I talk about a lot of things."

"You're lying."

I shrugged. "Maybe. Ask Rose." With that, I turned and left a gaping Princess in my wake.

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**Author's Note:**I can't seem to leave this story alone now that I've continued it. I personally really like Lissa and Christian's conversation. I tried to stay true to the characters. Did I succeed? Review and let me know :)


	5. Hesitation and Agreement

**Author's Note**:I just _had_ to do a Valentine's Day chapter! Tell me if you like, please(:

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Being mopey and alone was not how I'd expected to spend Valentine's Day. I was the type that usually had to turn down seven guys after I chose my date for the mushy holiday. I wasn't being conceited, just honest. But here I was, sniffling into a tissue with no interest in going anywhere. I at least wore jeans and a low cut blouse today, and my hair wasn't a total disgrace. But my eyes were puffy and rimmed with red, and I had a crumpled tissue clutched in my hand. A knock at the door made me pause in my sniffling long enough to glare murderously. Of course, someone would come to see me when I was in tears.

I hated to cry in front of anyone, as a general rule. I saw it as weakness, and I needed to be strong. But I didn't have time to try anything to reduce the puffiness, so I let my hair swing into my face and opened the door. Christian stood there, wearing an expensive looking suit, a single red rose and a dress bag in his hand, and an apologetic look on his face. I stepped back and allowed him to enter, my face smooth and emotionless.

He was making it hard for me to hate him. Now he was showing me the sensitive, caring side he'd only showed to Lissa before, and it was killing my defenses. How did you defend yourself against someone who wanted to make you happy? "Why are you here?" I asked calmly. "Because you should never be alone on Valentine's Day," he answered promptly, offering me the rose. I took it involuntarily, studying it's perfection instead of looking at his face. "Maybe I want to be alone to wallow in self-pity," I suggested, voice hard. He shrugged, unaffected. "I won't allow that."

"Go away."

"What Lissa said to you is inexcusable, manipulative, and just plain bitchy." His candor surprised me, and I looked up at him. Christian was staring at me with those ice blue eyes, an intensity in them that I'd never seen before. I shrank back, feeling as if he could sense my faltering resolve. "I would like to take you out tonight, Rose Hathaway. Whether it is a friendly dinner or a romantic one is entirely up to you." I bit my lip thoughtfully, wishing I was strong enough to say no. "Okay," I whispered. He smiled, and it made me smile in return.

"But," I added cautiously, "I'm not sure if it's platonic or romantic." His smile got softer. "I understand." Offering me the dress, Christian shrugged sheepishly. "I thought about you when I saw it." Raising an eyebrow, I removed the dress bag to see a black dress made of some clingy material that would hug me in all the right places. It had a scoop neckline, thin straps, and a dangerously low-cut back. It would come to right below mid-thigh, and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I held my breath, turning wide eyes to him. "You really..."

"Shouldn't have?" he asked dryly. "Are amazing? Don't worry about it. Go get ready." He made a shooing motion, and I did as he said.

When I came back out of the bathroom, Christian's expression was worth it. He appraised me slowly, and his gaze made me blush. "Gorgeous," he said finally, when he'd done a thorough visual investigation, from strappy heels to wavy hair. "Thank you," I said quietly. He offered me his arm, and I took it. Leaving together, I finally though to ask where we were going. "Gonna tell me what we're doing tonight, Ozera?" Christian laughed. "I figured you'd want to go where no one would recognize us, so you couldn't get blackmailed. We're going to a restaurant that few Moroi grace with their presence."

I shrugged. "Okay." We got into his black Mercedes, and I was pleased to see he knew how to drive. A lot of royals never learned because they could hire chauffeurs. When we got to the restaurant, I saw that it was small and cozy, and I instantly felt awkward. Christian didn't mention it, though I was sure he'd picked up on it. He made sure he didn't touch me, but I moved closer to him and gently bumped my arm against his. He took that as the invitation it was, and twined our fingers. It was nice, holding hands with a friend.

Over dinner, we talked about anything and everything we could think of. He told me more about his parents before they turned, and his aunt Tasha. I told him about the animosity between me and my mother and how I'd met Abe. He talked about horrified he was when he realized his parents were Strigoi, and I revealed my terror when I saw Strigoi Dimitri. By the time dinner was done, I realized I'd leaned instinctively closer to him, until both our elbows were nearly touching over the small, round table. The waiter brought the check, which Christian payed for with cash and told him dismissively to keep the change as a tip.

He stood and hesitantly offered me his arm, which I took. The drive back, we still didn't stop talking. I felt like I was pouring out my soul to this guy I used to hate but now liked quite a bit. He'd revealed who he really was, without the sarcastic asshole facade he wore so smoothly. I found that he was nothing like he acted. He had those qualities that annoyed me, that cynicism, the sarcasm, the attitude, but he amplified them when he was around others. When we arrived back at St. Vladimir's, it was close to six, since Moroi ran on a nocturnal schedule, and he walked me back to my room.

We stood in front of the door, and he lifted my hand and kissed it gently. "Thanks for coming with me tonight. It was nice," he said softly. He still held my hand, fingers twined, and his hair was falling in his face. Thoughtlessly, I reached up to brush it back, and he took that hand, too. And he was looking at me and I suddenly found it somewhat hard to breathe. And then he was leaning, ever so slowly, pressing his forehead against mine, those blue irises oh so close.

"It's okay," I whispered to him, not wanting to break the spell. He seemed to argue with himself internally for a moment, and then he just gave up, and pressed his lips to mine hesitantly. And it was nice. The kiss was soft and sweet and nice. He didn't try to shove his tongue down my throat, or feel me up, or get invited in. It was just a gentle, simple kiss and it made me want to cry. He pulled back and smiled ruefully. "Thanks, Rose," and I didn't know what he was thanking me for, but I just murmured, "You're welcome."

He walked away slowly, glancing back every so often, and I didn't go inside until he was gone from my line of sight. When I did finally get inside, I touched my fingertips to my lips and leaned against the door. The day hadn't ended up the way I expected it to, that was for sure. I stripped myself of the dress and hung it up, then tugged on shorts and a tank top, took off my makeup, and gathered my hair in a ponytail to go to bed. As I began to get comfortable, a knock sounded on my door, sharp and demanding. I sighed, wondering if it was Christian again. I really didn't want to ruin the great impression I'd left him with.

I grumbled, "I'm coming," tossed my covers, and stood. When I opened the door, I bit my lip hard. Lissa stood there, and she looked infuriated.


End file.
